my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
