He passed out mid-signature
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
