I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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