after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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