I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
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no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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