So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
