you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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