The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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