NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
