i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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