Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
