i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
