He asked to "fluff my boner.."
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
