'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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