Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my shit smells like andre
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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