i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just found puke in my bra..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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