In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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