Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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