there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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