just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
