I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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