I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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