FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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