Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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