guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
