it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
