He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
