dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
