9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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