my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We need to get me chipped asap
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
