he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So vagazzling was a success
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