Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
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spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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