evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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