He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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