It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
