I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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