wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
