3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
