what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
