the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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