So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
