Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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