You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
