KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
