Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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