If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I pour the whiskey from now on
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
