i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
