If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
okay pat passed out under dana's car
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
