I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
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I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
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Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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