Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
