My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
