I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
