im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
