he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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