i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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