Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
