I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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