i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
