Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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