you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
