were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
