He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
