I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
