I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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