Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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