I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's blow job season.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
