I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
